I can't help but worry about what people think of my blog...
Is it actually good?
What could i do to make it better?

Here is my REAL post about robots

So, I am like 75% positive that i am a human rather than a robot.

Robots cannot possibly feel the things i feel as a human.

Sometimes, I become livid for no freaking reason at all. I become vindictive, belligerent, and spiteful.
A lot of the time, my boyfriend says i am more hostile than a cat backed against a wall. (He is such an ass sometimes)
I'm cranky and sarcastic. Sometimes, my sarcasm affects people more than i intend.

I'm kind of scared of everything. More often than not, i feel disoriented and uneasy. My fear of everything makes me distrust everysinglething. Hell, I jump at the sound of my dog snoring.

Periodically, I feel disconnected. Downtrodden and wistful... Sometimes getting out of bed is hard because the feelings of inconsolable hopelessness are so strong...

Occasionally, when i don't feel those things, I feel content and optimistic. I see the bright side of things. I feel rapturous.

I am pretty sure I'm a human.

Robots

So, i struggled to find something to write about for this post so i googled random facts about robots. They are killers. In 1981 a robot am landed on a Japanese factory worker and he died.

I have writers block

So, I have writers block, so i googled random things to write. 

Here's the website i stole it from

http://www.randomthingstodo.com/list/write

1) When someone says to pass a note 📝in school erase what they said and write something else.

2) Write a note saying "sorry about the damage on your car" and put it on a random car.

3) Write "Free Gumballs" on a piece of paper, and tape it to a gumball machine, and watch.

4) Put a sticky note under a mouse (for a computer) and write GOTCHA on it. It'll make it not work and someone will go crazy trying to figure it out

5) Write "turn over" on both sides of a paper and hand it to someone really stupid.

6) Tell your friend your gonna buy him an x box. Buy a box, write X on it and give it to him

7) Write creepy notes and hide them in books at the library.

8) Write your phone number on a helium balloon and set it free. See if you get a call.

9) Get piece of paper, write turn over on both sides and give to someone dumb.

10) Go to school early and write on the white board "(your name), YOU are the chosen one!" Then leave and enter the class normally like everyone else.

11) Write the word "Nothing" on your hand, and when someone asks whats on your hand, say NOTHING!

12) Go on a walk and write random things on a paper and stick them places for other people to see.

13) Write your name backwards.

14) On a small piece of paper write, "I'm watching you." Then slip it into someone's locker.

15) Try to draw with the hand you don't write with.

16) Write nothing on a piece of paper. Act like there's a big fat secret in it. And give it to a person.

17) Write a note that says "excuse me, but why r u reading my note?" And leave it around the house

18) Draw with your eyes closed and with the hand you don't usually write with... See what happens!

19) Put up a lost unicorn poster and at the bottom write "if found... get your eyes checked"

20) Put a WANTED sign with a pic of an ant and write Last seen at the park i miss him if you find him call me. and then put your phone # to see who calls

21) Write "My Diary" on a single sheet of paper, and scream when someone reads it.

22) Use chalk to write your name on a busy side walk when people walk past scream "your on my territory".

23) Write a note saying "pass this on, laugh and see what the teacher does" and pass it around a class.

24) Write on a piece of paper "There are foot steps on the ceiling" pass it around and watch them look.

25) Tape a picture of a cow onto a noticeboard or pole and write; 'Lost Dog'.

#Different

So, I have been struggling to find something to write for this post...

Yesterday, I got my inspiration...

I finally got to see my little brother. He is 2. He walked over to me for a hug and stopped. He picked up my arm and turned it.

He did and said something i will never forget.

He said "Ow." and kissed the cuts on arm.

I cried and realized that i am not only hurting myself by self harming, i am hurting other people too.


I will be different.

When i feel like hurting my self, i will color a picture.
I will listen to music.

I will think of my baby brother.

Happy song - BRING ME THE HORIZON

I know that a lot of my posts are sad and depressing, and i apologize.
So, let me write something cheerful. Sort of.

S.P.I.R.I.T.
Spirit, let's hear it
S.P.I.R.I.T.
Spirit, let's hear it
Let's go!

I've had enough
There's a voice in my head
Says I'm better off dead

But if I sing along
A little fucking louder to a happy song
I'll be alright

You want to give up
Gave it all that you've got and it still doesn't cut

But if you sing along
A little fucking louder to a happy song
You'll be just fine 'cause

Every now and again we get that feeling
And the great big void inside us opens up
And I really wish that you could help
But my head is like a carousel
And I'm going round in circles
I'm going round in circles

S.P.I.R.I.T.
Spirit, let's hear it
S.P.I.R.I.T.
Spirit, let's hear it

We are possessed
We're all fucked in the head
Alone and depressed

But if we sing along
A little fucking louder to a happy song
Maybe we'll forget 'cause

Every now and again we get that feeling
And the great big void inside us opens up
And I really wish that you could help
But my head is like a carousel
And I'm going round in circles
I'm going round in circles

Don't wake us up, we'd rather just keep dreaming
'Cause the nightmares in our heads are bad enough
And I really wish that you could help
But my head is like a carousel
And I'm going round in circles
I'm going round in circles

The world has coalesced
Into one giant mess
Of hate and unrest
So let's all sing along
A little goddamn louder to a happy song
And pretend it's all ok

Let's go!

So sing along
Let's sing along
A little fucking louder
A little fucking louder
Well, don't you feel so much better?

S.P.I.R.I.T.
Spirit, let's hear it (well, that's the spirit)

S.P.I.R.I.T.
Spirit, let's hear it (yeah, that's the spirit)

Colors

Go back to childhood and see that

I was yellow. full of optimism and imagination. 

I was green, full of youth and vigor. 

I was orange full of energy and enthusiasm. 

I was white full of goodness and innocence.

Flash forward to fifth grade and see that

I discovered that I am a rainbow. 

I liked GIRLS and BOYS

Skip to the next year and see that

I was blue... 

Empty of the bright colors

Filled instead with sadness and depression.

Skip two years into the future. 

Once again, I am filled with yellow

I had just seen the two pink lines centered on a white stick. 

I was green with fertility. 

I was going to be a mommy. 

Go forward three months.... 

I was now black... 

Filled with sadness...grief... unhappiness...

I was not to be a mommy....

I feel like everyone needs to watch this...

Sometimes we do not see what our words and actions do, and we do not see how badly we are hurting others. 

This video is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY

Crayons

Crayons remind me of the days before I had to raise myself.

Before mommy did meth.

Before daddy left.

Before we became a broken family

And I became a broken girl.

Crayons are important to me.

They help me go back to simpler times.

Before I knew what sex was.

Before I got pregnant

 and then lost the baby.

What it felt like to get so drunk that i puked for days

just so i could forget the baby i should've had...

Crayons help me relive the times before,

Before I got so depressed that I couldn't leave my bed for weeks. 

Before self harm became a regular thing.

Before my little sister was too scared to walk into my room, 

because she was afraid that the night before,

 I had tried to die, 

just like many of my friends already had. 

Crayons remind me that once, things were okay

and maybe they will be again.

Insert judgement here:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z1aJvUTXUY

If i could add emoji's, i would totally add the one that is laughing and crying at the same time.

Sometimes, we need to just stop being sad and watch animals eat.

So, 

I present to you, the videos I love most, 

How animals eat their food.

Part one :

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUcqT5zpZ5E

Part Two :

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUcqT5zpZ5E

Hats

         We all wear hats, even if they are not placed upon our head for all to see. 

Some people wear the hats of daughters and sons, of students or teachers. 

Graduates and dropouts. 

I wear a few hats myself.

 Some I am not proud to wear, but I have grown so attached, I cannot remove them. 

No matter how hard I might try. 

I wear the hat of a bitch. 

Of being a brutally honest teen. 

I wear the hat of a one night stand my parents cannot stand.

 I wear the hat of a sister that none want to be like.

 I wear the hat of a girlfriend whose boyfriend is no longer in love with.

I wear the hat of a girl that is too broken to love. 

 In Jr. High, I wore the hat of a slut, something I am not proud of.  

It wasn't even true, but i wore it anyhow.

The more hats the better, i suppose. 

The link below is perfect for this post. Please Listen.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbqjFiDjwnI